Last night I had a nightmare that was very difficult to shake when I woke up.

I dreamt that a really good friend that I had from 16 to 23 committed suicide. She jumped off a bridge into a body of water, and her husband jumped after her to try to rescue her. When he came back out without her and said very matter-of-factly that his wife was dead, I slumped down against the railing and started sobbing, knowing that somehow this death left partly me to blame.

In my dream, my friend’s sister had died a week earlier. My friend’s sister was their mom’s favorite (this was true in real life), and my friend’s sister’s death had hit the mom very hard. My friend couldn’t deal with the death and her mom’s grief, knowing that she would never be what her sister was to their mom.

I knew I was partly to blame because I didn’t call her and offer her support at a horrific time in her life. Nobody should be expected to deal with something like that without a firm support network to rely on.

The dream was so real that I got online and Googled her name, but I didn’t come up with anything on her. I woke up exhausted, which seems to happen after most dreams that are like this. I hope she’s okay.