Which Would You Rather Wednesday
I think Wednesdays are officially my favorite day of the week. I was quite smitten with them before, but now I get positively giddy when they come around.
This week’s question is something I’ve heard asked before. Everyone went back and forth on this, so I’d like to see what y’all think.
Would you rather be loved or respected?
I want to make this harder by saying if you’re loved, you ARE NOT respected, and if you’re respected, you ARE NOT loved. You must make a choice, people!
To get the discussion going, I think I’d rather be loved. I think respect is extremely important, but “a life without love is no life at all.” (Name the movie that was in!) I think I could live without respect…I don’t think I could live without love.
Which would you pick?
Loading ...| Tags: love, respect 59 comments »
March 23rd, 2010 at 10:01 pm
I agree.
Though I don’t think you can realistically have love without respect, in this hypothetical, I would rather have love.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 10:04 pm
You’re totally right, you can’t have love without respect. And I think that’s how we kind of got around the dilemma when I discussed this with whoever I discussed it. BUT, you know, I’m trying to make people make the hard choices here!
[Reply]
Beth F Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:31 am
I disagree — you can have love without respect. Happens all the time. I love you but I don’t respect your right to be your own person. I love you but I don’t respect your ability to handle the money. I love you but I don’t trust you to have friends of the opposite sex.
[Reply]
Serena (Savvy Verse & Wit) Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 9:27 am
I agree with Bethfish on this one.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 10:41 am
I didn’t think of that! I’m changing my opinion!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 4:52 am
I’d have to go with love also. Love can forgive a multitude of issues. Respect is less forgiving.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 6:11 am
Oh, good point!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 5:05 am
First, I ditto the idea that you can’t have love without respect, but in this artificial (and more difficult!) situation, I’m going with love, too. Mainly because I know Bob must love me to let me joke about him on my blog. I’m not sure respect alone could get us there
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 6:13 am
I would hate for you to not be able to post the conversations you two have or anything else about Bob, so good choice!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 5:42 am
Hmm…good question! So this is across the board, huh? No love from anyone, just respect? I think I’ll be the odd one out and say I’d prefer to be respected. Respect goes a long way! I could totally live without love…I’m probably one of the few people who can say that!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 6:14 am
!!!
I love a dissenting opinion! I thought you’d be the lone vote for respect, but two other people voted for respect and didn’t leave a comment. So you have a little bit of company.
[Reply]
Serena (Savvy Verse & Wit) Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 9:27 am
you’re not the odd one out. I would rather be respected as well.
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 5:54 am
I think respect and love go together at least (for me), but since I had to choose, I chose love!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 6:14 am
They absolutely go together, but it’s interesting to imagine not having one or the other!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 6:22 am
As a parent who is loved by her daughters, I might give it all up for just a little respect. LOL!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:20 am
HA! I’ll bet a lot of parents would jump on THAT bandwagon!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 6:24 am
Which brought to mind one of my favorite songs from my college years:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH0SoZNdozs
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:20 am
Oh, I totally love Erasure! But WHAT is that man wearing?! I had to stop looking at the video and just listen to the song. That was disturbing.
[Reply]
Frankie Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 6:44 pm
He was wearing heels,a tail,a corset but did you notice the package?? I found that distracting from the song:)
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 6:39 am
I don’t think you can have love without respect, and I wouldn’t want to know what it was if it did exist. I would much rather be respected
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 8:23 am
That’s an interesting thing to think about, what love would look like without respect. However, that’s what a lot of parent-child relationships in dysfunctional families looks like, so I don’t know how terrible it would really be.
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 8:31 am
Oh Trish! You brought to my mind one of my all time favorite movies: TRUST by Hal Hartley.
In it, Maria (played by Adrienne Shelley) tells dreamy Martin Donovan that she’ll marry him if he admits that “respect, admiration, and trust equals love.”
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
What an awesome quote! I’ll have to go check out that movie!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 8:40 am
My comment is based on the idea that you can have only one or the other. That if you chose love you do not have respect (even if you think that love = respect) and that if you chose respect you cannot have love (again, even if you think they go hand in hand).
I pick respect. I don’t want someone to love me but not respect me.
Some people love their spouses and yet beat them (no respect), some people love their partners and yet give them no space, tell them they can’t do the things that are important to them, try to control them, nag them.
I don’t see how you can’t at least get kindness and support if someone respects you. Love doesn’t necessarily give you either. And most important: love doesn’t guarantee happiness — only you can make yourself happy; there is no one and no relationship that can do that for you or on which your happiness depends. So love is not some panacea for me. Again, that’s just me.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
I think you’re mostly right. I dont’ think that kindness goes hand-in-hand with respect though. You can respect someone but not feel kind towards them.
I’ve had respect but not necessarily love at various times in my life. I can see that I’ve specfically pursued love, and so for myself, that’s why I would choose love. It’s certainly not a perfect choice, but it wasn’t meant to be.
[Reply]
Beth F Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 5:00 am
True enough — some one can respect you but not like you, I suppose. Anyway, I’m grateful that in real life we don’t have to pick one or the other. Still, love alone would not be enough for me (but neither would respect alone).
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Definitely love but I think with love comes respect anyhow so then you’re lucky enough to have both!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
HA! Cheater!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
I picked love, but I suppose it depends on what kind of love we’re talking about. Unconditional love? Possessive love?
I would rather be loved than respected because I would be afraid to be unloved. I don’t really care if I have people respect or not; I’ll just do whatever I want with or without it.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Well, that’s a good question. What kind of love ARE we talking about? You know, I hadn’t really thought about that. The love of a spouse is different from the love of a child. The love you feel for a friend is different from the love you might feel toward your parent. Gosh, I don’t know! I guess I wouldn’t categorize WHAT love it is, just that it’s love.
Ack. I think my brain’s about to explode!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
I’m going with respect for the same reason as Jennifer! Although I gotta tell you that after I checked out that link she posted, I will never be able to listen to that song with the same joy again.
As long as I still have my books, I’m good!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
*snort* The vision of that…that…white leotard? is indelibly burned in my brain.
And who needs anything so long as you have books?!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 5:41 pm
I do think they go hand in hand but I’ll go with LOVED.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Yeah, it really is hard to separate the two.
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 6:33 pm
I think there’s some context involved. For example, I’d want co-workers to respect me, but I care less about whether they love me.
And I think Beth F. has a good point – love and respect don’t always go together. However, I’d say that in some situations where there’s love without respect, the reality of the “love” may be open to question.
But for the record, I chose love!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
HA! Yeah, I’m not so into the co-worker love.
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
There is a dark side to everthing I suppose. When I think of love I see/think of only good things. Not possive,abusive,jealous sides or types of love. If you say respect I think only of kind,honest types of action that warrant respect. Not,”Oh he/she’s an ass but I respect them as a dr.,lawyer,businessman etc…: So I choose love in all it’s positive aspects.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Me too! I mean, I only think of the good things about both love and respect. Though I *have* thought, “Oh, he’s an ass, but I respect them as a lawyer.” (I worked with lawyers for 10 years!)
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I went with respect.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Interesting. I’m surprised that this has stayed fairly close to 50/50. I would have guessed it would have been more like 75/25 (in favor of love). So I love that you went with respect! I like being surprised.
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
Such a hard question! I would rather have my kids love than their respect, but maybe that’s what I have anyway. LOL Of course, if they have no respect for me then I think I must have failed as a parent. I would also wonder what I taught them. However, when I think of respect sometimes I think that it is conceited to just want everyone to respect you. Like you are so good at what you do that you are professionally respected. In personal relationships I, of course, want love and respect. So, if I had to choose I choose love, but what a world we would be in if we could only have one or the other. I also agree with Heidenkind I will be who I want anyway, so I’ll go for love and not worry about respect. LOL
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Yay for being who you want to be no matter what.
And as far as kids, maybe a little more respect and a little less love? 
Maybe not now that I think about it!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Tough question.
I’m going to be obnoxious and loophole it and say loved.
Part of my boyfriend loving me *is* respecting me. In return, I show him love by respecting him. We couldn’t love each other if we didn’t support, encourage, and help each other. Without respect, is it really love?
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
There’s no loopholes in Which Would You Rather Wednesday!!
[Reply]
March 24th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
As I understood your question it is what would I rather receive, love or respect. Well, for myself, I would rather receive RESPECT, because I can then give love and respect to those I know and feel deserve it. To me the giving is more rewarding and more valuable than the receiving. I have always felt better about giving good emotions than receiving them.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 8:51 am
Full disclosure, this is my dad. But dad-ness aside, I think this is the best answer!
[Reply]
Lisa Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 9:17 am
Dad totally nailed it!
[Reply]
March 25th, 2010 at 5:35 am
I am one of the minority that chose to be respected. In my mind, the respect I will be receiving is not because the other person fears me but because they value me. Through being valued, I know that person holds me in some regard, as I probably hold myself (it is easier to be respected if one first respects oneself). If we all respected each other, this would be a happier and safer world.
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 8:52 am
You’re right, this would would be MUCH better if we all respected each other, particularly if you think of respect as being valued.
[Reply]
March 25th, 2010 at 7:58 am
This is tough but I will go with respect. Love is great and all but not being respected can eventually eek into other areas. For example, not being respected means others may treat you like crap, talk about you, and just generally walk all over you.
You are your own best friend.
Whereas if they respect you, they probably wouldn’t act mena towards you. Someone can love you and still not respect you. Oh gosh I think I’m talking in circles now, but hopefully I made my point. Besides, as long as you love and respect yourself, that will shine through and make others do the same
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 8:53 am
HA! This is definitely a circular discussion, but I think you made your point well.
[Reply]
March 25th, 2010 at 11:17 am
These questions where you can only chose one are so difficult. I always want both! That being said, I find this one to be even more difficult because I’m not sure i believe that love and respect are exclusive. I can’t help but feel like love grows out of respect or that love can even be considered a type of respect.
Still, I chose love. Why? Well, because I am one of those hopeless romantics who truly believes that love is the most powerful force in the world. I totally wear my heart and my sleeve and can honestly say that I fall in love with something on a daily basis. Respect on the other hand, isn’t something I really think about. It’s not a word I use on a daily basis. I tell numerous people I love them on a daily basis but rarely if ever tell a person I respect them.
Not sure exactly what that says about me. This is a really interesting discussion – just another reason to love Wednesdays!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
I know it’s hard not to say, Both!
I think it’s great that you fall in love so easily. One thing I think we lose as adults is a wonder with the world, that kind of wonder that kids have. I know, I know. We’ve seen it all, done it all, whatever. But how cool is it to take a few minutes and watch captivated as a ladybug crawls across the grass? Maybe I’m getting off topic. LOL. Great comment, Jennifer!
[Reply]
March 25th, 2010 at 11:53 am
I think I’d choose respect. I had the same thoughts Beth Fish did!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Well Beth is very smart, so you must be too!
[Reply]
March 25th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I think I’d want both, but sticking to the spirit of the question, I would much rather be loved than respected. In love there is forgiveness, toleration, and acceptance, and all of those things are much more important to me than being respected. I have often heard that the only real way to earn respect is through fear, but I am not always sure that is true. I am loving these Wednesday questions!
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
I love you, Zibilee!
Interesting point about the things that are in love: forgiveness, tolerance, acceptance. I didn’t think about that, but you’re right. Now I’m trying to think of the qualities in respect!
[Reply]
March 26th, 2010 at 9:09 am
I would much rather have someone’s respect than love. I think if you have respect you are able to have love for yourself and can then give love to others. Without respect, your feeling of self-worth would slowly disintegrate. I don’t think that if someone respects you it means that they don’t like you! And, if you can’t have love, can you have great fondness and deep caring?
[Reply]
trish Reply:
March 27th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Interesting reply, though I don’t know if I agree that having respect from others means you’ll have love for yourself. Self-worth should hinge on how you act, how you behave, how you treat others…that kind of thing.
But you’re right, if someone respects you, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you.
[Reply]