Okay, so I know I was slow to drink of The Time Traveler’s Wife kool-aid, but I drank it and promptly spit it right back out. This book, my friends, I do not understand the appeal.

The premise of The Time Traveler’s Wife is you have Clare and Henry, and Henry’s a time traveler because he has a wonky gene, and in this time traveling that he’s wont to do, he meets Clare! Who ends up being his wife! Excepting, he meets Clare when she’s SIX, which is just a young’un! So Clare grows up knowing Henry as this dude who shows up naked in a field behind her house sometimes (for reasons that don’t exactly make sense, Henry’s clothes fall off when he time travels, so he’s always ending up nekkid and looking for clothes). And eventually Clare finds out that ZOMG she and Henry get MARRIED and HOW ROMANTIC IS THAT?! So the story’s about how Henry and Clare are so much in love, but this story is tragic as Henry flits in and out of Clare’s life (unwillingly! He can’t control when/where he time travels) and you just know this is going to end in heartbreak for Clare. Or, at least you assume it will because Niffenegger makes it really clear that This Will Not End Well.

And I know, most of you have already read the book, so instead of being coy, let me just tell you what I didn’t like. If’n you haven’t read the book and don’t want spoilers, just skip to the last sentence or two where I tell you I really didn’t like it

There was holes with Henry’s time traveling. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what didn’t add up, but I’m sure someone smarter than me has dissected the time traveling in this book. And I know! How very cynical of me to find problems with the time travel, but seriously, would it have been so hard to explain it a little better and make it so I might actually believe it? I’m really not that smart, so it wouldn’t have been that hard.

Henry can be a total dick. I know his being a dick was more before he and Clare got together, but WHY would I root for Clare to get together with someone who’s a dick? WHY would I want Clare to date a guy that MOST LIKELY will change, but hasn’t become that guy yet? That’s just stupid, wanting a nice girl to date a jerk on the off chance he’ll change. Here’s a crazy, ass backwards idea: why don’t we wait until the guy HAS changed? I know! I have crazy thoughts!

There was crassness from Clare that seemed to be there JUST TO BE THERE. I’m no prude, but really? Some of the things Clare said, I was like, Who are you and what have you done with Clare. Because really. If Clare really would have said those things, then I think a little mention somewhere about how Clare sometimes gets Turrets would have been helpful.

How completely selfish and irresponsible of Clare to INSIST that she and Henry have their own baby as opposed to adopting, knowing that having a child together would produce a kid with the time traveling gene. And let’s say they have a girl. Now they’ve got a girl who’s going to be appearing naked in random places as she time travels? What the hell is so terrible about adopting? I KNOW. I GET IT. I know why she wanted to have a baby with Henry, but I have no words for how arrogantly selfish this was. She risks the safety and health of her future unborn child FOR HER OWN HAPPINESS. Wow, I didn’t know that it was okay to put someone else at risk so long as you’re happy. That’s great.

The whole story…I guess it was okay. There were too many things I didn’t get or couldn’t get behind, though, for me to really enjoy this book.

Rating: 69 out of 100

Book source: I borrowed this book from a friend.

And one more thing? If you click on one of The Time Traveler’s Wife links and buy something from Amazon, I’ll make a commission!

You can thank the FTC for this disclosure!

…every woman would get the first three days of their mentrual cycle off of work, family duties, and anything else they wanted to shirk on those days.

Because really. Is there anything you want to do during your period other than curl up in a ball on the couch eating whatever you’re craving?

Here’s something for you to chew on:

Would you rather have to tell the truth to anytime anyone asked you a question, or have the truth told to you anytime you asked anyone a question?

What makes this such a conundrum is that you could do a lot of good by telling people the truth! “Why yes, your butt DOES look big in those jeans.” “These carrots are okay, but frankly I think you should try cooking them less so they’re more like carrots and less like baby food.” I mean really. We’re not honest enough in our society because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeeelings. But on the other hand, you could do a lot of damage being too truthful.

So me? I’m going to vote for having the truth told to me anytime I asked anyone a question, because I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the damage that could be caused by being too honest. Maybe that’s me being too careful of people’s feelings, but I think I’d rather be hurt than do the hurting. I know I could get over the hurt.

However, I realize that telling the truth doesn’t always hurt someone, and like I said, I don’t think we’re honest enough in this society. But, well, surprise, surprise, I do have a little piece of my heart that bleeds. Sometimes.

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I read Hothouse Flower and the Nine Plants of Desire for a panel I was moderating, and let me tell you, I never in a million years would have picked this book up but it ended up being a Top 10 favorite in 2009.

Okay, so here’s the synopsis: Hothouse Flower and the Nine Plants of Desire is about Lila Nova, a recently divorced woman, who on a late night walk, discovers a laundromat that doubles as a greenhouse. Lila gets to know the owner, Armand, who is growing extremely rare plants. He takes her under his wing, but in the meantime she meets a gardener, David, who steals her heart. Her loyalty is torn, and she ultimately betrays Armand by telling David about what Armand has hidden in a room in the laundromat. Lila has to travel to the rain forests of Mexico to right the wrong she created. Got it? Good, now for the fun part.

I have never read a book this fun or this humorous. Humor in writing is completely lost on me, which is weird since I think I have a pretty good sense of humor. But whatever! I’ve never laughed out loud while reading, but I did while reading this book. I would stop reading to soak in the story and the humor and bizarre situation that Lila always found herself in.

There’s a little blurb at the beginning of each chapter that tells about a particular plant or something or other that Lila might encounter. Here’s a blurb at the beginning of one of the chapters. It’s entitled, “Scorpions”.

Disgusting as it may seem, there are over two thousand species of scorpion. Most varieties have a claw and three to four sets of usable walking-legs. To make matters worse, the venom of the scorpion, which appears to come from its tail, actually comes out of its anus. Male scorpions court females by doing a dance called the “promenade à deux.” After this dance, the male kisses the female and at the same time injects a tiny bit of venom into her mouth, just enough to paralyze her for a short time, so he can have sex with her. I don’t know about you, but this scenario sounds a lot like a guy dropping a bit of Rohypnol into his date’s drink at a bar. Men are all the same. Women, on the other hand, are not all the same, and when two scorpions are finished mating and the venom has worn off, the male must leave quickly or the female will set a plate and eat him for dinner.

Armand is a character that you won’t soon forget. He’s the perfect mixture of mentor, friend, and father. He has a dry sense of humor and he’s rather eccentric. He took the story to the next level.

I can’t say enough good things about Hothouse Flower and the Nine Plants of Desire. I loved it, it’s going into my permanent collection, and I think you should make sure you buy a copy today.

Rating: 95 out of 100

Other reviews:

The Book Maven (she loved it too!)

Book source: I received this book to prep for the panel I moderated.

And one more thing? If you click on one of the Hothouse Flower and the Nine Plants of Desire links and buy something from Amazon, I’ll make a commission! Mwahahahaha!! Maybe with the pennies I make I’ll be able to call someone who cares.

You can thank the FTC for this disclosure!

This recipe was born one day basically because I had a sweet tooth, I had vanilla ice cream, and I had Oreos. I’m rather picky about what items of food I mix, but Cookies ‘n Cream ice cream has always been a favorite of mine, so this seemed quite obvious once I’d done it.

Here’s what you’ll need to start:

Dreyer’s Vanilla Ice Cream (Dreyer’s is my favorite, and while I suppose you could use a different vanilla ice cream, I don’t understand why you would) and three frozen Oreos (when they’re frozen, I’ve found they produce a better grind than when they’re not frozen. Also, you get delicious chunks of frozen Oreo that didn’t crush up, and those are DELICIOUS in your ice cream.).

Scoop some ice cream into a bowl.

Place frozen Oreos in a blender. This little mini-blender is actually a baby food blender that I got for something like $20 at Burlington Coat Factory in their baby department. It chops up garlic, onions, oreos, and whatever else amazingly well. Also, it’s small so cleaning is no biggie.

Pulse until it you have some very, powder-like Oreo cookie, but also some chunks. Again, this works way better if the Oreos are frozen.

Pour the crushed cookies over your ice cream.

Don’t skimp. Pour ALL of the crushed cookies over your ice cream.

You could eat it now like this. It really is delicious, with the creamy texture of the ice cream against the grainy texture of the crushed Oreos. I prefer to mix the whole thing up, though.

Mix up the ice cream and crushed cookies, so you have homemade Cookies ‘n Cream ice cream. Doesn’t it look delicious?! I promise, it’s just as awesome as you’re thinking. If, perhaps, you’re thinking this looks gross, then GOOD! More homemade Cookies ‘n Cream ice cream for ME!