Here’s the second thing authors make their characters do that makes me go, What the??

Characters who “cluck”.

Clucking? Really? I assume that’s referring to the act of putting your tongue on the roof of your mouth and then pulling it down so it makes that clucking sound. But have you EVER done that in response to something someone said?

“Mom, I want to join the circus and be a human cannonball.”

*cluck*

Riiiight.

Sure, I’ve clucked my tongue to entertain myself, but never to express my disapproval or because words failed me.

I’m thankful that the women’s bathroom at my work has a good ventilation system. I was in there 30 minutes ago and had to hold my breath, and I just went in again (thank you, pregnancy bladder) and all was clear.

Why can’t all bathrooms have a good ventilation system? I’ve worked at places where if someone stunk up the bathroom, the smell would linger for hours.

Also, this post should alert you to one of the YAYs I have for having a boy: potty humor. Sorry, Dad. I still think potty humor is funny.

As I was working tonight, the water cooler let loose a bubble. Sometimes that happens a few minutes after getting some water. But for some reason, the sound made me jump and my heart stopped and my adrenaline started pumping. Just a second later I realized that no one was trying to break in, but the fact that a fairly regular noise in my house made me jump got me started thinking about scary movies.

I think my first exposure to a scary movie was when I was around 8 years old and my babysitter was flipping channels. She landed on Kingdom of the Spiders, a terrible B movie about tarantulas that overtake a town. Totally not scary! Unless you’re 8 years old. I begged her to change it, but she insisted it wasn’t scary. But she didn’t change the channel before they showed a scene where this guy’s face was eaten off by spiders. Again! Totally hilarious! Unless you’re 8 years old.

Then when I was in fourth grade, we saw Watcher in the Woods, a FREAKING DISNEY MOVIE that had me freaked out until my late teens. There’s a scene where a girl is washing her face, and when she looks up in the mirror, there’s someone else staring back at her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I don’t see many scary movies, but the ones that scare me the most are the ones that are the most fake. Monsters (i.e. Freddy Krueger, whose name I’m not even sure I’m spelling right but I refuse to google it just in case his image pops up!)? Scare the crap out of me and make me want to leave all the lights on. Real human killers? HAHAHA!! No problem! That’ll never happen to me. But you never know when a monster might get you!

What are the scariest movies for you? Movies about things that could never happen or movies that are more realistic?

Ever since I read that Nicholas Sparks “[doesn't] write romance novels” and Danielle Steele’s books, according to her, “…[are] not really about romance“, I thought they should get married. And make babies.

Wouldn’t that be AWESOME?! Then they could raise a delusional human being into thinking that, oh, I don’t know, they don’t read romance novels…and of course their mom and dad don’t write the damned things.

So then I was thinking about what that baby might look like. Or who it might be.

::blink::

::blink::

MAYBE THEY ALREADY HAVE A LOVE CHILD!

ACK!

I think this person already exists. Behold:

Can’t you just see her defending her parents, Nick and Dani? “Your dumb. They don’t write romance. It’s all about real life. It’s deep.”

Excuse me. I think I just puked in my mouth.

When I was, oh, 18 or so, the phone was my lifeline. My girlfriends and I could chat for hours on end, and when the phone rang I was running to the phone, snatching it out of my dad’s hands before he could utter a hello.

But now?

Today?

The phone rings and I cringe. Without picking up the phone, I ask with a throaty voice, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I’d much rather text or email, or even send pigeons. Flickering lights! That is GREAT communication! But the sound of a phone ringing makes me want to fling it out the door.

Ironically, the one phone call I’m happy to pick up is telemarketers so I can tell them to STOP CALLING ME.