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Ten things I want to teach my son so he can become a man.

April 23rd, 2012 — 9:39pm

Ethan turned one on April 12th. I have a letter for him that I need to finish, but in the meantime I’ve compiled 10 things that I want to focus on over the next 18+ years. I want to raise a man. I don’t believe you’re a man just because you’re male, just as I don’t think a female is automatically a lady. These are some ways I’ll be teaching my son to be a man.

  1. Open the door for people. This is your chance to offer what will, for some people, be the only kindness they experience all day.
  2. Stand up to bullies. You’ll be surprised that the majority of them will immediately back down.
  3. Never stop reading. When you stop reading, you stop learning.
  4. When you think nice thoughts about people, let them know.
  5. Handle failure with graciousness on the outside, and kindness on the inside. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.
  6. Be generous with your time and money. Both, even in small increments, are worth more to other people than they are to you.
  7. Talk kindly to yourself. Don’t be harder on yourself than your parents or spouse would be.
  8. Be curious, not furious. Instead of being frustrated or angry or annoyed as to why someone did something, try to figure out why they did it.
  9. Decide which hill you want to die on. Most battles, whether with family, friends, employers, employees, or strangers, are not worth fighting.
  10. Love hard.

30 comments » |Posted under

How being a pet owner changes when you have kids.

March 20th, 2012 — 8:41pm

I have this dog. Samson. He’s a tiny toy poodle, about 7 pounds, with reddish-blonde hair. I got him when I was 21, after scouring the newspaper for weeks for teacup poodles and finally finding him. I wasn’t the first person to call about him, though, and the other person paid for him and took him home, but brought him back to the breeder when he cried all night. This one-day-owner told the breeder that Charlie, as he was then named, was so small they were worried that if they got mad at him they would hurt him. The breeder gladly took him back and called me to see if I wanted to come look at Charlie. I fell in love right away and took him home right then, renaming him Samson — as big of a name as I could think of for this little teeny dog.

I don’t even know when Samson started being aggressive. He wasn’t too fond of my first boyfriend, Riley, and in fact I considered giving him to a Poodle rescue group at that time. But I loved Samson too much, so kept him despite the few issues that it caused in our relationship.

At some point, I realized we had a problem when Samson would attack other dogs without provocation. I spent $1500 for a trainer to work on behavior modification. When I went to pick Samson up, he said, “He’s a little shit, isn’t he?” The point is not that the guy didn’t know what he was doing; he did. The point was that Samson has issues that can be curtailed with training, but probably won’t go away.

When Dave and I got married, Samson was still sleeping with me, and he liked to burrow under the covers. He bit both of our toes a couple of times, mistaking the movement for what, I don’t know, but drawing blood on each of us. I finally taught Samson to sleep in his crate, where he now prefers to spend the night.

Throughout this whole time, I’m spending thousands of dollars on Samson as we try to find out why this poodle is starting to look like a hairless Chihuahua. This dog…I’m telling you, he’s on his way to winning the ugliest dog contest. He hair is thin, at best. His skin is covered in liver spots, and his breath smells like shit because he eats, well, shit. Sometimes while it’s still steaming.

A little less than a year ago, a friend came over with her baby and 2-year-old daughter. I knew to keep Samson away, so I put him in our room while we hung out in the living room. We all left to let the 2-year-old play at the park, and when we came back, my friend was rounding up her stuff so she could leave. I didn’t bother putting Samson back in our room because my friend was leaving, but sure enough, he bit the 2-year-old. He bit her on the hand because she was reaching for something he wanted. He barely broke the skin, but I took Samson to the vet two days later to have him euthanized. I can’t have a dog around that bites children! The vet talked me out of it, saying that Samson “wasn’t committed to the bite.” She tried to provoke a bite while we were at her office, but of course he played the nice submissive dog.

Samson has snapped at Ethan three times now, leaving a scratch on Ethan’s hand twice. I know, it’s not a real bite, but does it matter? Does it matter that Samson isn’t “committed to the bite”? Do I keep Samson until he does some real damage?

When I found out I was pregnant, I called a poodle rescue organization, but given Samson’s age, health problems, and behavior issues, the woman didn’t think he could be re-homed.

I’ve become really good at keeping Samson away from Ethan. I know what Samson’s triggers are, so oftentimes I’ll put Samson in our bedroom if Ethan is playing on the floor or cruising around. Samson loves hanging out in our bedroom — everything smells like me and Dave and he can sleep on the bed without being bothered by anyone.

Someone recently posted this on Facebook:

I get it! I’ve got this dog for the long haul. I think that I’ve done everything I can for this dog, with this dog, and to this dog, but I’m at the end of my rope. I’m not going to risk a child’s well being with a dog that’s unpredictable.

The third snap at Ethan happened today. I called up Samson’s new vet to discuss our options. It’s so frustrating because the vet doesn’t want to put down a healthy dog, but neither do I! I’ve done the behavior modification. I’ve tried to keep any of Samson’s triggers out of the way, but I can’t police Samson 100% of the time. Today was a perfect example of how I can turn my back for just a second and somehow there’s a trigger and Samson’s snapping at Ethan.

The vet agreed to try to rehome Samson. Not only do I have guilt for needing to find Samson a new home, but now I have guilt that I’m feeling relieved. Relieved that I can let down my guard. Relieved that the problem might be solved. Relieved that the problem won’t be mine anymore.

I get it. I’ve failed my forever dog. But I promise that some day I’ll pay it forward and rescue a dog from a shelter, and that dog can be my forever dog.

42 comments » |Posted under

How fast do you read?

March 16th, 2012 — 10:58am

I got an email the other day from James at Distilled Creative telling me about this new app he created in partnership with Staples. The app calculates how fast you read, and “highlights how long you could use an eReader on a single charge base your reading ability.” How long I could use an e-reader on a single charge is interesting, but how fast I read? Fascinating! I’ve always thought I read kinda slow — I’m certainly no Jessica. But finding out how I measure up against all these other readers? YES PLEASE.

Here’s the app:

ereader test
Source: Staples eReader Department

Myself? Here’s my score:

I didn’t capture my score from yesterday, but it was pretty close. You might want to try taking all three tests, because I think reading is something that you get faster at once you get in a groove.

I know this test is specifically for e-books, but I’m wondering how this translates to print books. It seems to take me about two minutes to read one page of a print book. A book that has me engrossed has me reading even faster, because I tend to do what’s probably more speed reading. If I’m savoring a book, loving the writing, etc, then I’m sure my reading slows down even more.

Take the test and feel free to share your score in the comments!

23 comments » |Posted under

Catching Up: One Sentence Reviews

February 6th, 2012 — 1:45am

I’ve had four books sitting on my desk, waiting to be reviewed, for what seems like forever. I don’t want to move them off my desk until I’ve told you what I thought of them, but in the grand scheme of things, writing these reviews is a low low priority. I was inspired by Lu over at Regular Rumination and her Great Review Catch-Up of 2011. So here’s some very short reviews of the four books that have been begging to be reviewed. I’ll try to keep it to one sentence, but I’m not sure I can do that.

Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson – Full disclosure: I did a blog tour for the hardcover and have put together a blog tour for the paperback. Even so, I really liked the book. The suspense ratcheted up quite nicely, and while I was able to guess the ending, I devoured it pretty quickly. The author does a great job of keeping the reader wondering who, exactly, is the crazy person in the book.

The All of It by Jeannette Haien – I picked up this book because Ann Patchett loves it and I love Ann Patchett. I want to be besties with Ann Patchett. A book club I’m in chose to read it, and it was okay, I thought there were a few things that the author did particularly well, but for me, it was a forgettable book. Patchett obviously disagrees with me, but I hope that she won’t hold that against me when we do eventually become besties.

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen – A decent novel, but not one I’ll be pressing into anyone’s hands.

Very Bad Men by Harry Dolan – One of the best books I read in 2011. FABULOUS. Made me go out and buy his first book. A really well written literary mystery. I was wondering why Amy Einhorn (she was the one who published The Help) was publishing a mystery, and now I get it. Love love love.

 

23 comments » |Posted under

The Book Blogger Convention

January 25th, 2012 — 6:41pm

Michelle and I are pleased to announce the acquisition of the Book Blogger Convention by Reed Exhibitions (the folks who run Book Expo America (BEA))!

As many know, I have been organizing and running the Book Blogger Convention together with Michelle (and with the help of other bloggers) for two years now. It has been a labor of love, something that we created because it was something that WE wanted and thought other bloggers might enjoy as well. The support has been tremendous, and the responses after both years was thoughtful, insightful, and spurred us to new ideas.

Michelle ran the Book Blogger Convention this past year by herself. It was tough, but we were looking forward to planning the 2012 convention with the idea that I would be present. It quickly became apparent that with my having a new baby (and wanting more bebes) and Michelle dealing with some health issues, that planning another convention wouldn’t be feasible. We approached Reed about the possibility of purchasing the Book Blogger Convention. After quite a few discussions, it seemed like the best idea to have Reed run the Book Blogger Convention and Michelle and I would bow out.

We are confident in the direction that Reed will take the Book Blogger Convention, and we feel they will be able to do things with it that we were unable to do, either because we didn’t have the resources or we didn’t have the time.

Our hope is that the book blogging community embraces this new direction, and we look forward to seeing you in June at the Book Blogger Convention and Book Expo America!

21 comments » |Posted under

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