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Another Nightmare

**I wrote this post quite a few months ago and have held on to it…for whatever reason I feel compelled to post this now.

I should warn you: this post may have some graphic scenes in it.

My nightmares are coming with increasing regularity. I seem to have more nightmares when I’m stressed out. I doubt it has anything to do with the wedding plans…weddings are known for the lack of stress that they place upon brides, right?

It was almost as if I was watching a movie. There was a *preview*, so I had an idea of what would happen before it happened. Or perhaps it was just that things were happening out of order.

My nightmare was about a girl who was engaged to be married (I’m sure this *girl* is not actually me, for anyone who’s trying to analyze my dream 🙂 ) who had premarital sex with her fiance out in a field where they thought they had some privacy. To back up a little bit, the girl had a strange relationship with her father, in that her father could make her feel guilty enough about things she’d done that she would throw-up an egg. The egg symbolized the bad thing she’d done, and I suppose it was a way of expelling it (the sin?) from her body.

Her brother was the instigator of catching his sister in the act. When the sister stood up, she saw her father had been spying on her in the trees. He was close enough to touch. This was when I seemed to flash forward and he was in the tree again, but this time his face had been eaten off (I’m sure this is from a movie I saw a long time ago). It felt as if he’d been murdered.

The girl stood up and touched her father. She was embarrassed and she talked with her father for a little while. After they’d talked, her father told her to step away; he needed to throw up. It was at this point that she threw up the egg-type thing.

She went back to her house where she was essentially held hostage. She gave birth shortly thereafter, and while she had a vague feeling that she was being held hostage, she was too distracted and lazy to actually figure out why she wasn’t being allowed to see her fiance.

Fortunately for me, I finally woke up and didn’t have to find out how my nightmare would end.

| Tags: , , 11 comments »

11 Responses to “Another Nightmare”

  1. Kim

    Dreams can be so strange. When I was younger I had a reoccurring dream about flying. I ran up the hill on my hands and feet and then took off at the top. it was so wonderful. I cannot remember the last time I had that dream – I think my body knows that most days I am too tired to run up a hill! I have never had many nightmares – thankfully! I loved The Kite Runner – didn’t care for the movie as much. Here from NCLM!

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  2. Beth Fehlbaum, author of Courage in Patience

    Hi, I don’t see how else to contact you on your site, so I am doing it in this frowned-upon-by-the-blogging-community-way… apologies in advance…

    My name is Beth Fehlbaum. My debut novel, Courage in Patience, releases from Kunati Books on September 1, 2008. I am writing to request that you review my book or allow me to be a guest on your blog or site.
    I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a family member, and I am also an experienced Language Arts teacher. I am passionate about communicating to readers that there is hope in the face of what seems hopeless, whether it is sexual abuse, racism, bullying, homophobia, or even censorship. My novel is a story of love, forgiveness, parental responsibility, and, most of all, of discovering what we are made of when we face our worst fears.

    I am currently lining up blog and website “appearances”; I sincerely hope that you will consider hosting me. Please e-mail me at beth@bethfehlbaum.com, if you have a date available from September 1, onward. We can agree on a specific date when you contact me. Thank you!

    Beth Fehlbaum, author
    Courage in Patience, a story of hope for those who have endured abuse
    http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com
    http://www.myspace.com/bethfehlbaum
    Publisher’s site: http://www.kunati.com

    SYNOPSIS OF NOVEL:
    Ashley Nicole Asher’s life changes forever on the night her mother, Cheryl, meets Charlie Baker. Within a year of her mother’s marriage to Charlie, typical nine-year-old Ashley’s life becomes a nightmare of sexual abuse and emotional neglect. Bundling her body in blankets and sleeping in her closet to try to avoid Charlie’s nighttime assaults, she is driven by rage at age 15 to tell her mother, in spite of the threats Charlie has used to keep Ashley silent. Believing that telling will make Charlie go away, instead it reveals to Ashley where she lies on her mother’s list of priorities.
    “We’re just going to move on now,” Cheryl tells Ashley. “Go to your room.” Ashley’s psyche splinters into shards of glass, and she desperately tries to figure a way out, while at the same time battling numbness and an inability to remember what happened when she blacked out after Charlie tackled her. She knew that when she awoke her clothes were disheveled and the lower-half of her body was covered in bright red blood– but she has only a blank spot in the “video” of her memory.
    When Ashley’s friend, Lisa, sees a note from Cheryl telling Ashley that Charlie would never “do those things to her,” and insisting that she apologize for accusing him of molesting her, Lisa forces dazed Ashley to make an outcry to her teacher, Mrs. Chapman.
    By the end of the day, Ashley’s father, David, who has not seen Ashley since she was three months old, is standing in the offices of Child and Family Services. He brings her home to the small East Texas town of Patience, where he lives with his wife, Beverly, their son, Ben, and works with his brother, Frank. Its neighboring town, Six Shooter City, is so quirky, it’s practically on the cusp of an alternate universe; a trip to the Wal-Mart reveals to visitors that “there’s either something in the water..or family trees around here don’t fork.”
    Through the summer school English class/ Quest for Truth taught by Beverly, an “outside-the-box” high school English teacher whose passion for teaching comes second only to her insistence upon authenticity, Ashley comes to know Roxanne Blake, a girl scarred outwardly by a horrific auto crash and inwardly by the belief that she is “Dr. Frankenstein’s little experiment”;
    Wilbur “Dub” White, a fast-talking smart mouth whose stepfather is a white supremacist who nearly kills a man while Dub watches from the shadows, forcing Dub to realize that he cannot live with the person that he is, any longer;
    Zaquoiah “Z.Z.” Freeman, one of the few African-Americans in Patience, whose targeted-for-extinction family inherited the estate of one of Patience’s founding families and has been given the charge to “turn this godforsaken town on its head”;
    Hector “Junior” Alvarez, a father at sixteen whose own father was killed in prison, who works two jobs and is fueled by the determination to “do it right” for his son, “3”, and his girlfriend, Moreyma;
    T.W. Griffin, whose football-coach father expects him to be Number One at everything, and whose mother naively believes that he is too young to think about sex; and
    Kevin Cooper, a not-so-bright football player with a heart of gold, whose mother, Trini, a reporter for the local paper, is instrumental in exposing the ugliness that is censorship.
    Every person in the class is confronted with a challenge that they must face head-on. The choices they make will not be easy—but they will be life-altering. With the exception of her mother and step-father, Ashley is surrounded by people who overcome their fear to embrace authenticity and truth– the only way to freedom. But will Ashley have the inner-fortitude to survive the journey to recovery and the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Will Ashley find her voice, speak up for herself, and break the bondage of her abusive past?
    Realizing “she’s gonna need a lot more than we have,” David and Bev enlist the help of Scott “Dr. Matt” Matthews, an experienced, slightly unconventional therapist who insists that Ashley can and must come out hiding in the closet in her mind.
    The Chris Crutcher novel, Ironman, is taught by Beverly Asher in the summer school class. When T.W.’s overbearing parents read the book, they decide that the book should be censored, and they involve the pastor of Patience’s largest, most conservative church to lead the fight through the Purify Patience organization. Its mission is to cleanse Patience of Profanity, Promiscuity, and Parent-Bashing Pedagogy—all complaints the group has about the novel, Ironman. Its hidden agenda, however, is to return Patience to a time when “Patience was 100% white”, “women knew their place”,”everyone had plenty of money”, and “Christian values were taught in school.”
    The censoring, pseudo-Christian, white-supremacist, misogynist organization is exposed for what it is in a courageous move by one of its own (well..his mother threatens to twist his ear off if he doesn’t speak up), isolating the pastor and causing most of his “flock” to deny they ever knew him. National and world press attention shine speculation on the dirty little secrets hidden in Patience, and its inhabitants are forced to examine their own values and beliefs.
    Alone in the dark, Ashley must face her worst fears in a pivotal scene between her, Charlie, and her mother. Through this confrontation, Ashley at last finds the strength to advocate for her own right to exist in a world that is free of abuse. She, too, has found Courage in Patience.

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  3. Christine

    Gick. I hope your dreams get better soon.

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  4. Literary Feline

    That is definitely a dream that would leave a bad feeling in my mouth when I wake up. :-S My dreams tend to reflect my stress back at me in strange ways too. Sometimes the dreams are more nightmarish, but mostly they are just neutral with the dark side being more prominent.

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  5. Nancy, aka Bookfool

    Wow, that’s a freaky one. I tend to have the same nightmares over and over again. One has to do with feeling hemmed in and kind of claustrophobic in a house we’ve outgrown — I dream about living in houses that are monstrous and then discovering some second part of a house that I didn’t know existed (usually with a second and third kitchen, which makes sense because I really hate our dinky kitchen). The other nightmare I used to have but which seems to have disappeared was undoubtedly an insecurity dream. I’d dream I was driving up an extremely steep hill and then I’d begin to slide backwards. One time my husband and I were driving up a steep one-lane road in England (with lay-bys and two-way traffic, hedges right at the edge of the road so you had to back up if someone else was coming your way) and I said, “Oh, my gosh, that’s the hill of my nightmares!” My husband just laughed.

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  6. Heather

    I am not sure which one of us has a worse symptom of stress… I get migraines, but I can’t decide if I’d rather stick with those or switch to nightmares!

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  7. Kim L

    I had tons of nightmares before I got married. My reoccuring dream was that I was that we were at the wedding day, but nothing was ready. I would be running around yelling about the cake and wedding dress and the decorations. Although it doesn’t sound as scary compared to your dream, as a control freak, I would wake up in a cold sweat.

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  8. shawna

    thanks for the comment on my blog.

    btw, I love your blog design, especially the header.

    [Reply]

  9. Becky

    I’m always, ALWAYS having bizaro nightmares. I feel you. Last one I had? I WAS HAVING THE SEX WITH RANDY JACKSON FROM AMERICAN IDOL.

    *shudder, shudder*

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  10. raych

    Dude, they’re called ‘wedmares.’ I had them ALL THE TIME before we got married. They don’t always relate to weddings (any more than ‘meatmares’ relate to eating too much meat before bed), but your mind is just over-stressed and looking for a way to express it. Not helpful, I know, but they will stop.

    And hey, congrats on being less than a week from your wedding! A week from now, you will NEVER HAVE TO PLAN A WEDDING AGAIN!

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  11. Jaimie

    Have you ever looked up dream interpretation sites? They are really interesting.
    I had nightmares when I was pregnant for the first time, really horrible stuff. But they were born of my fear and feelings of inadequacy in being a parent. They will go away, believe me. {{HUGS}}

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