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On recurring miscarriages and being “unlucky”.

Well hello! I’ve missed you all! You’ve grown so much I hardly recognize you. Let me pinch those cheeks!

I’ve been meaning to keep you updated on what’s been going on with Ethan, but I keep putting off writing any posts because I’m always so busy doing other things. I want to get back to posting semi-regularly, though, and what better way than to tell you that I had another miscarriage.

I was super excited to find out I was pregnant because I found out on December 9th, two days after my birthday, and I knew EXACTLY how we were going to tell my MIL. I set up an appointment for an ultrasound for when I would be 6 weeks because I was a wee bit nervous since I’d already had one miscarriage, though the doctor had assured me that I would most likely not have another miscarriage. I was sure this pregnancy would be fine.

In fact, I was so excited about this pregnancy that I totally spaced and only got my MIL two gifts for Christmas, one of which was the photo that told her we were pregnant.

I started telling Ethan he was going to be a big brother and I set up an appointment with our midwife and I told a few close friends that I finally got my BFP.

We left my MIL’s house Christmas evening because we had some things to do the next day. When I woke up on December 26th, I thought I felt my period starting but then told myself I was being ridiculous and paranoid. I wasn’t actually surprised when I went to the bathroom and saw bright red spotting. I knew. I just knew.

When I called the doctor’s office, I ended up with an appointment with a doctor that I didn’t want to be assigned to but had forgotten to switch away from when I’d been assigned to her. I figured she couldn’t be that bad, and in fact our appointment with her was fine. She was matter of fact about the whole thing and gave me a 50/50 chance of carrying to baby to term, though I knew without a doubt I was miscarrying. She sent me for blood work and told me she’d call when the results came in.

One of the tests done with the blood work was an hCG test, which tests for the pregnancy hormone. When the results came back, I had almost completely finished the miscarriage. The doctor called to tell me that, and I took the opportunity to ask about a few things. First, I asked about progesterone. It seemed to me that my results from this current blood work and the blood work I had done when I had my last miscarriage were low. I was told that testing for progesterone is an outdated test that they did in the 1950s and won’t tell me anything except whether I’ve ovulated or not. Actually, this isn’t true but I didn’t want to argue over the phone.

So then I asked why I had a second miscarriage when I was told it was unlikely that this would happen again. This is what the doctor said:

“Well, you’re just unlucky.”

OH REALLY. Is that an official diagnosis?

Needless to say, I switched away from her as fast as I could. I’ve been meaning to write a note to the head of her department to ask that she show a little more compassion to the next woman who comes to her in the middle of a miscarriage.

I had my first appointment with my new OBGYN today and I told her what’s going on and my concerns about when I get pregnant again. She listened, understood where I was coming from, and agreed that we would do blood work as soon as I find out I’m pregnant again. I’m so thrilled that I found her!

My situation isn’t really cut and dry because Ethan is still nursing, and nursing affects hormone levels so that could be why I’m having trouble staying pregnant. I’m hesitant to wean him just to get pregnant. I’m hoping I can have a viable pregnancy and still nurse Ethan.

I’ve also discussed this whole situation with our midwife and she suggested I take Welcome Womb, a tincture with herbs that are know to help progesterone.

The year 2012 will be The Year of the Miscarriages, but I’m hoping 2013 will have better things in store for us. I’m hoping we’ll get pregnant quickly again (getting pregnant hasn’t been the hard part!) and that we’ll buy a house and sell our condo. I’ve got big plans for you, 2013. In the meantime, let me leave you with some pictures of Ethan!

Family picture

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Ethan with his hand in the cookie jar

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43 comments »

43 Responses to “On recurring miscarriages and being “unlucky”.”

  1. Beth F ()

    Oh Trish. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how rough it is. Here’s hoping 2013 sees *all* your big plans come to fruit.

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  2. Sandy ()

    Ethan is so adorable! He has gotten so big. Well for what it is worth, I’ve been in your shoes. I had several miscarriages in trying to have my first child, and ultimately had to have shots and artificial insemination in conceiving Emma. Before she was one I was pregnant with Ryan, and had some awful bleeding problems early in that pregnancy. You have a great attitude, but I know it is hard. You just have to believe that when it is meant to happen it will, with the help of a great doctor. :)

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  3. Marg ()

    It’s so heartbreaking to suffer one miscarriage let alone more. I hope you have a much better 2013, especially now that you have found a doctor that you can trust.

    Ethan has grown up so much!

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  4. Amanda

    That doctor ought to be smacked! Wow. I’ve known quite a few people who have suffered through multiple miscarraiges, and I can’t imagine they are all just “unlucky.” That’s ridiculous. I’m glad you found a new doctor who can help you the next time you get pregnant!! I hope 2013 is the year for you. :) *hugs*

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  5. Katherine

    Oh Trish. I’m so sorry. I’ve been in your shoes, two miscarriages in a short time. Many many years ago. And I still remember the emotional pain. Those babies had already taken their places in our lives, and it can be hard for anyone who hasn’t lost babies to understand that. Just allow yourself time to grieve, and know that your husband may not grieve in the same way that you do. Men often try to be stoic, when you just want them to cry with you. And Ethan is beautiful–keeping you in my thoughts that you’ll go on to have a big brother or sister for him–I did, although it took a little while.

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  6. Carrie K. ()

    I’m very sorry for your losses, and I pray that 2013 will bring much blessings for you and your family.

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  7. Word Lily ()

    Oh, I’m so sorry, Trish! How awful. I’m sorry for your loss. And yikes, I’m very glad you found a new doctor who sounds much better.

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  8. SuziQoregon

    I’m so sorry for your losses. I hope you never have to see that doctor again. Hoping all your plans for 2013 come through!

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  9. Alyce ()

    That really stinks, and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I had a miscarriage when my oldest son was two years old, and it was one of the most difficult experiences I’ve ever been through. I hope you and your doctor are able to find out what’s going on and what works for your body.

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  10. Michelle @ The True Book Addict ()

    So sorry to hear about all this. That doctor was seriously whack. I’m glad you found a better one. Welcome back, Trish. I’m wishing you much happiness in 2013.

    Ethan is an absolute cutie!

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  11. Helen Murdoch

    I am so glad women like you are open and honest about this because every woman who goes through miscarriages feels so alone while it’s happening. When I miscarried and told people, colleagues and friends came out of the woodwork to share their stories and it really helped.

    Ethan looks wonderful and so happy! Here’s to hoping 2013 is more successful in the pregnancy department!

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  12. Jennifer

    I am so impressed with your positive attitude! This will certainly be your year! I wish I had the right words of encouragement and comfort but I know probably anything I say will fall short.
    Also…it is absolutely amazing how many doctors have horrible bed side manner. Glad your new dr is more helpful and kind!

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  13. Margie Durham

    Trish, I am thinking about you. I hope many good things are in store for you and your awesome family this year.

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  14. Lori L (she treads softly)

    I am so sorry… When I had a miscarriage years ago I was blessed to have some great nurses and doctors who showed me a lot of compassion. My Dr.’s nurse even gave me literature on grieving my loss.
    Ethan looks like a happy little boy and it was fun to see the pictures.
    Yes, 2013 will be a great year!

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  15. Jeane

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Uncaring doctors really suck. I’m glad you’ve found a better one. Ethan is soooo cute! I love the photo of him looking up at the lights, and the one of him looking at a package (did it hold a book?) with the light on him. So precious.

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  16. Meghan ()

    Oh, Trish, I’m so sorry to hear that not only have you had two miscarriages but that you also ended up with a rotten doctor. I hope the new doctor works out much better – I’ll be thinking about you and hoping the best for your next pregnancy.

    Ethan is just so cute! I love the Christmas pictures, what wonderful memories.

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  17. Nancy

    :( :( :( Miscarriages are heartbreaking…all that anticipation and excitement, and then it feels like the universe has snatched your baby away. So very sorry for your loss, Trish. I’m so glad you found a doctor who will take your concerns seriously – that will make all the difference for the next time.

    I had a doctor who kept referring to my loss as “the abortion.” Apparently that was the technical term. I wanted to leap out of my hospital bed and rip his face off.

    Ethan is as cute as a button and he must be a big comfort to you right now. Be extra kind to yourself.

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  18. Catherine ()

    Trish,

    I read your post with a heavy heart. So sorry to hear of the emotional and physical pain you’ve gone through. Sending along my very best wishes for a happy, healthy, and wonderful new year for you and your family during which all your hopes and plans are realized.

    Take care.

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  19. Melissa ()

    Oh Trish, I’m so sorry for your loss. That doctor sounds like such a jerk. I really hope you get everything you want in 2013.

    And Ethan is adorable!

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  20. Susan Gregg Gilmore ()

    I, too, am so sorry for your loss but am already imagining great things for you in 2013! And Ethan is ADORABLE! What a joy he must be.

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  21. Jennygirl

    I’m so sorry to hear about your recent difficulties Trish. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May 2013 be the year.

    Ethan is getting so big! Love love love the photos of this sweet little boy :)

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  22. Laura Fabiani ()

    Oh, Trish, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I hope that things will pick up for you this year. Ethan is adorable!

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  23. Anna (Diary of an Eccentric)

    So sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Hope 2013 is a better year! Your little man is so so cute. (HUGS)

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  24. Teresa ()

    Trish, I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine what that must of have been like. Love the pictures of Ethan, you have a beautiful family. Here’s to good news in 2013!

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  25. Kathleen

    I’m so sorry to hear this and will keep you and your family in my thoughts. I’m glad you ditched that doctor and got one that knows what is going on and can give you some positive suggestions on things that might help. Having a doctor say you are miscarrying because of bad luck is just unconscionable. Here’s hoping that 2013 will bring you all that you dream for. Ethan sure is a cutie pie and I know he’ll enjoy a little brother or sister one day.

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  26. Sarah

    Hi Trish – I’m so glad you found a new doctor! Best of luck to you this year with everything you are taking on :)

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  27. Melissa ()

    I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s awful! I think I might have smacked that doctor.

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  28. Carol

    I am so sorry. I hope 2013 is a wonderful year for you, you deserve it. And Ethan is adorable!

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  29. Ali ()

    I’m so sorry, Trish. One miscarriage is incredibly sad, more than one is discouraging AND incredibly sad.

    Love the pictures of your family. Ethan is so sweet!

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  30. Jenny

    Oh Trish, I’m sorry. That all sounds awful, and I hope you are making sure to take extra good care of yourself emotionally, giving yourself little treats and things. You deserve them! I’m glad that you’ve found a more compassionate gynecologist, and I will keep your family in my thoughts going into the new year.

    (2012 was awful. I have talked to almost no one who enjoyed 2012. I’m confident 2013 will be better all around.)

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  31. Trish ()

    Hugs. Breaks my heart to see your news and heartache but switching doctors sounds like the right move. I did the same after my miscarriage (it never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people can be) and couldn’t have been happier with the switch and the level of attention at the new office. Here’s to an excellent and fruitful 2013.

    I adore those Christmas pictures of Ethan. What a sweetheart.

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  32. Lisa Munley ()

    We’ve already discussed it but again, I’m so sorry this happened. I know 2013 will be bright and shiny and I’m hopeful that all your dreams will come true. Ethan is so adorable. Love the pictures!! {hugs}

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  33. Heather ()

    Oh Trish. I went through something very similar between my daughter and son. I found out I was pregnant on my wedding anniversary was, of course, thrilled! Went to the doctor, got the requisit pregnancy test and was confirmed. 2 weeks later, I started bleeded. I fled to the doctor’s office, who gave me blood tests and an ultrasound (which hurt like a mother______). While waiting in the room for the doctor to come, I could hear her out in the hall talking with a co-worker about, well, basically gossiping and talking about the other doctors (who I happened to adore, one performed my c-section!) and I’m sitting there in pain and tears. I was livid. Then she comes in and basically says we won’t know what’s going on until the blood work comes back and sends me, callously, on my way.

    Luckily, the doc who did my c-section was the one who called to tell me what was going on. He was much more compassionate. And she was not-surprisingly absent the next time I was there. But yeah, just gotta love those doctors who make a bad experience even worse.

    Luckily, I got pregnant with my baby boy not long after that. Immediately had blood work, and ultrasound, where we heard the heartbeat extra early. So, don’t give up, dear Trish. Hold Ethan close, and your hope closer. I’ll be praying for you.

    By the way, that kid? He is gorgeous. :)

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  34. Lisa

    Oh, Trish, I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and that you had to deal with such a cold-hearted doctor. So frustrating that women don’t treat each other better.

    What a happy little man Ethan is! Such a fun age; they are really coming into their own and it’s wonderful to see the world through their eyes.

    I hope 2013 brings you much happiness!

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  35. nomadreader (Carrie) ()

    Oh, Trish, I’m so sorry to hear this news (and so sorry to be weeks behind on blog reading! I am, however, glad to hear you think you’ve found a better doctor and am thinking happy thoughts for the future. Lastly–Ethan is so freaking adorable! It’s hard to believe he’s already that big.

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  36. Lindsay (Young Married Mom)

    I had a miscarriage last January, and met with a serious lack of compassion with my doctor as well. I switched back to the doctor I used with my first son for my next pregnancy immediately. Sometimes I wonder why some doctors choose to work with patients and not just in a lab.

    Anyway, wanted to send some encouragement your way and let you know 1) we named the child we lost in miscarriage Ethan and 2) the child we conceived after him is currently wiggling on our living room floor. There is hope! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  37. Haley @ Carrots for Michaelmas

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious baby and the lack of compassion you received from the physician. You have such a lovely family!

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  38. Rita Arens ()

    Just popped over from BlogHer to say I’m sorry you had such a cold response to your bad news. And that Ethan is adorable. Best of luck for your 2013!

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  39. Allie O'Neal ()

    I’m so glad you got a new doctor right away. After my second miscarriage, my doctor was so cold, he almost had me in tears. It was such a relief to meet with another doctor in the same practice and have her listen to my concerns.

    Maybe 2013 will be the year for both of us.

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  40. Ruth ()

    Trish, somehow I missed this post when you first posted it. I’m so sorry, not just for the loss of your precious little one, but for the absolute cruel idiocy of that doctor. Love and hugs to you. Ethan is adorable!

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  41. Carrie at In the Hammock Blog

    Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear this, Trish. Ethan is adorable, thanks for sharing your photos!

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  42. Serena ()

    I’m sorry about all those miscarriages. You poor dear, and then to have that stony doctor! Ridiculous…and doctors wonder why patients don’t like them. Hello a dog has better bedside manner than some of them do.

    I hope that 2013 is fruitful for you and that you have a good year.

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  43. Leah

    I’m so very sorry. Having suffered 7 miscarriages myself, my heart goes out to you. The last of many doctors I saw said we’ve looked everywhere, can’t find anything wrong at all, but all I can say is if you can continue to try the odds will be in your favor and it’s likely that you will have your baby. Although it almost destroyed my heart, I have my beautiful healthy happy little baby boy here in my arms. It was hard and torturous at times, but his smile makes it all worth it. Thinking of you and sending strength and hugs.

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