Well hello! I’ve missed you all! You’ve grown so much I hardly recognize you. Let me pinch those cheeks!

I’ve been meaning to keep you updated on what’s been going on with Ethan, but I keep putting off writing any posts because I’m always so busy doing other things. I want to get back to posting semi-regularly, though, and what better way than to tell you that I had another miscarriage.

I was super excited to find out I was pregnant because I found out on December 9th, two days after my birthday, and I knew EXACTLY how we were going to tell my MIL. I set up an appointment for an ultrasound for when I would be 6 weeks because I was a wee bit nervous since I’d already had one miscarriage, though the doctor had assured me that I would most likely not have another miscarriage. I was sure this pregnancy would be fine.

In fact, I was so excited about this pregnancy that I totally spaced and only got my MIL two gifts for Christmas, one of which was the photo that told her we were pregnant.

I started telling Ethan he was going to be a big brother and I set up an appointment with our midwife and I told a few close friends that I finally got my BFP.

We left my MIL’s house Christmas evening because we had some things to do the next day. When I woke up on December 26th, I thought I felt my period starting but then told myself I was being ridiculous and paranoid. I wasn’t actually surprised when I went to the bathroom and saw bright red spotting. I knew. I just knew.

When I called the doctor’s office, I ended up with an appointment with a doctor that I didn’t want to be assigned to but had forgotten to switch away from when I’d been assigned to her. I figured she couldn’t be that bad, and in fact our appointment with her was fine. She was matter of fact about the whole thing and gave me a 50/50 chance of carrying to baby to term, though I knew without a doubt I was miscarrying. She sent me for blood work and told me she’d call when the results came in.

One of the tests done with the blood work was an hCG test, which tests for the pregnancy hormone. When the results came back, I had almost completely finished the miscarriage. The doctor called to tell me that, and I took the opportunity to ask about a few things. First, I asked about progesterone. It seemed to me that my results from this current blood work and the blood work I had done when I had my last miscarriage were low. I was told that testing for progesterone is an outdated test that they did in the 1950s and won’t tell me anything except whether I’ve ovulated or not. Actually, this isn’t true but I didn’t want to argue over the phone.

So then I asked why I had a second miscarriage when I was told it was unlikely that this would happen again. This is what the doctor said:

“Well, you’re just unlucky.”

OH REALLY. Is that an official diagnosis?

Needless to say, I switched away from her as fast as I could. I’ve been meaning to write a note to the head of her department to ask that she show a little more compassion to the next woman who comes to her in the middle of a miscarriage.

I had my first appointment with my new OBGYN today and I told her what’s going on and my concerns about when I get pregnant again. She listened, understood where I was coming from, and agreed that we would do blood work as soon as I find out I’m pregnant again. I’m so thrilled that I found her!

My situation isn’t really cut and dry because Ethan is still nursing, and nursing affects hormone levels so that could be why I’m having trouble staying pregnant. I’m hesitant to wean him just to get pregnant. I’m hoping I can have a viable pregnancy and still nurse Ethan.

I’ve also discussed this whole situation with our midwife and she suggested I take Welcome Womb, a tincture with herbs that are know to help progesterone.

The year 2012 will be The Year of the Miscarriages, but I’m hoping 2013 will have better things in store for us. I’m hoping we’ll get pregnant quickly again (getting pregnant hasn’t been the hard part!) and that we’ll buy a house and sell our condo. I’ve got big plans for you, 2013. In the meantime, let me leave you with some pictures of Ethan!